I’m sitting in my local library. It’s the first time I’ve been in one for years.  And, apart from freezing, it’s quite an interesting little place. Considering it’s 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon, it’s actually quite busy.  I am trying to write the next scene of the play that I’m working on. I’ve set myself the task of writing a scene a day. No –re-writing, no editing. Not until I’ve made it to the end.

I found that I had spent days analyzing the dialogue of the first scene for a week only to realize that I’d only written one scene! I’m going on the theory that a full draft of total drivel is better than an amazingly overworked and polished 1st scene.

The reason I’m in the library and not at my desk, which took 2 painful hours to build, is because the builders are in. The drilling and the dust and the questions are getting too much.  I know they have to ask about where I’d like the lights to go and the plug sockets and where the cable for the TV should come from, but these are all quite big decisions and if I find I made a mistake, it’ll annoy me.  But I’ve never moved into a place and thought ‘I really wish this plug socket was 6 inches to the left’ or ‘That light just isn’t in the right place on the ceiling’.  So I figure that if I’m not there, they’ll make the decisions, (most likely better than I will and with more experience) I won’t notice the difference and won’t lose any sleep over it.

In saying that, I’ve never been one to be great at making decisions. What to wear, what to order, where to go… I’m a ditherer.  Some find it endearing, others unbearable. I’ve come to terms with it these days. I thought I’d learn to be more assertive in my actions and suddenly find myself on a directional pathway to zen and enlightenment and all that – but I have come to accept that I’m a person that likes options. Lots of options, but the more there are, the tougher the decision.

That’s why buying a house is a nightmare. It’s one thing squeezing every last penny you have ever accrued in your existence into, what is essentially a massive, never ending, un-fathomable, ‘will-never-pay-this-off-ever’ loan. But then there’s all the stuff you need when you buy. Things you don’t consider after years of renting.

Sofas. Tiles. Carpets. These three things have proven to be decision nightmares.  Only because they are relatively permanent. Sofas are not something to pop into a bag with the receipt and exchange. Carpets take 6 weeks to arrive. They cut them to the exact size and shape of your floor!  Tiles are actually cemented to the wall – there is no going back there!

This is an enormous amount of pressure!  What if I don’t like it (likely). What if I see something that I prefer 2 weeks later (very likely) what if I find the perfect tile in the ultimate end of season, end of stock, closing down, spring/summer/autumn/winter mega, never at this price again sale?

Sometimes it’s nice to have decisions made for you.  When someone recommends a restaurant, a main course, a film.  We organized a family night to the cinema last week and it took 7 adults 7 days to decide on which film we wanted to go and see with an un-necessary number of group emails bouncing back and forth.  What I needed was ‘we are seeing this film, at this time at this cinema.’

So I’m hoping when I leave the library to go back to the house I’ll have a similar reaction. We’ve got lights to go here, the wall to go here and the washing machine can be installed here.  I don’t know enough to argue… I just know what colour I want the work top, a general ‘theme’ for the seating area and a wine fridge.  That’s one thing I made a decision on. But then there was ‘What size? Where? How many bottles?’

It was too much… All I can say is I want a wine fridge!