So Mark Zuckerberg is even more of a squillionaire than he was last week.  He is younger than me, and I’m not going to lie, makes me feel incredibly un-accomplished.

In fact – I think there should be some sort of tax on high achievers. If they’re going to have all this fame, fortune and inflated sense of self, then I think it only fair for them to pump a little bit more back into the economy so mediocrity is just a little bit more bearable for us normal people.  The government is all for supporting entrepreneurial ideas, so this should be a bit of a clause in the contract.  “Here, young entrepreneur, have a grant to fund your whacky, innovative business idea. If you fail, well that’s a shame, you still owe us the money. If you succeed and make the rich list, well you have to pay us back and we get a percentage thereafter of your profits.” It’s the Robin Hood of enterprise. Just an idea…

I constantly try to think of my Dragon’s Den idea.  Something that will make me rich.  Or at least, not quite so poor.  I’ve thought of some brilliant ones in the past, only to realise they have all been invented.  I was all ready to start hunting for investors for my amazing online concierge service. A kind of rewards scheme where you signed up for membership and got loads of perks at various cool hang outs and restaurants… then I discovered Quintessentially.  Now seeing as they have been going for years, I realised that perhaps they did in fact think of it first, so I decided not to pursue the law suit 😉

I’ve come to the conclusion that there really is nothing entirely original left.  We have been born into a generation whereby everything has already been thought of.  Who knows, if I’d popped out in 1900’s, I might have beaten Albert to the theory of relativity.  Gravity – to be honest, it took a while for anyone to come up with that. I’m sure stuff had hit people on the head for centuries before old Isaac came up with that one.  But, still, he got in there first and good on him.

Facebook and Twitter. They weren’t the most original ideas ever, but to give credit where it’s due, they have just done what has been done before…better.  I’m still not 100% sure I understand twitter and the #phenomena.   Apparently I am pretty inept at giving the world (aka my measly list of followers) a concise, yet witty update in 140 characters.  I’ve only just downloaded instagram to my iPhone and have so far taken 3 photos. The only ones successfully uploaded to my Facebook account are the ones my tech-savvy friend did for me. I’m getting there but now realise I have turn my business mind towards online.  I had a really good one the other day, I thought of a game where little birds get catapulted and have to knock stuff over.  Apparently that one’s been done too 😦

Zuckerburg loves to talk about ‘connecting people’. It’s all about ‘connecting’. And I get that. I like the notion.  He has essentially invented an online utopia. We only tell people the good stuff.  I’ve never gone to KFC and ‘checked in’. It’s rare to see a tweet such as ‘Lost my job, got dumped, and just walked into a glass door. #killmenow’  or a status update along the lines of ‘I’ve gained a stone, please share this album of me looking obese.’

There’s almost no room for originality nowadays.  Even if there was something left to be discovered or invented, social networks make all decisions for you. What to wear, what to do, where to go, what to ‘like’. 

I admit to falling victim to this. I’ve become my very own Facebook Hitler. For me status updates should be informative, funny or showing off.  Updates that continually fail to fall into one of these categories on a regular basis (duration of tolerance entirely dependant on a number of factors: 1. How much I actually like them 2. How irritating the updates are 3. If said updates are not only boring, telling me nothing but somehow make me feel like a failure e.g. ‘an over-achiever’) then they face the online equivalent to Auschwitz.

I’m creating my own ‘perfect race’ where I have full control over the updates I receive and what I personally want to share.  I am the leader of my own timeline and what I put on it.  My whole life from birth to today is on there. But do I have an album named ‘12-15, the awkward years’? No.  Jo has just ‘checked in’ at the Orthodontist.  Clearly not.  I carefully select what I’m prepared to share and brutally delete, untag and ‘unsubscribe’ to anything that doesn’t fit.  Zuckerberg deserves to be a millionaire. He’s made an online dictator of all of us.

Although the following came up on my news feed the other day.

‘Eating: 14 others like this’

I very nearly deleted my account.

But I didn’t.